Tighten Your Helmet

Posted on Tue Aug 18th, 2026 @ 4:24pm by Lieutenant Zachary Addams & Lieutenant JG Grace MacKenzie 'Sabre' & Petty Officer 1st Class Alexis Aenera

2,899 words; about a 14 minute read

Mission: Kintsugi
Location: Zed's Quarters/Engineering

When the transporter beam released him in his living room, Zed held out his hand again. "Grace, it's me, Zed. I know what it's like to be this afraid, and you don't have to go it alone. You trusted me once here, please trust me one more time."

Grace's eyes closed, but she didn't open them again, "No, you don't. You don't have any clue what it's like to be like this." She gritted out, "There is nothing you could have gone through that compares to what I've been through. I can't even begin to remember everything they did."

Zed wasn't sure if she would understand, but he decided she was one of the few who could understand. "When I was thirteen--" he started, but was immediately cut off.

"Shut. Up!" Grace half-screamed, her eyes flashing open as she stopped what he was saying, "This isn't going to be easy as you think it is! I can't have you interrupting me or else I can't do this." She glared at him for a moment before her eyes slid off of him, "Stockholm Syndrome is their stock in trade. They made me believe everything I was doing was wrong. I still believe it. I don't know what was real and what wasn't."

The cool veil of logic and control swept over him as his emotions spiked. He did not know if it was her tears or her words that were upsetting him, but at that point, such distinction was irrelevant. He wished to comfort her any way he could. Unfortunately, now his options were limited. "Logically, your removal from that situation has given you enough perspective to know that it was not, in fact, real."

"Knowing it doesn't mean it isn't real. Everything I'm doing here on this ship, Ah would have been punished for back on Foch. They made me believe that Ah deserved to be put into a cell, to be left alone for hours or days on end, that Ah deserved to be fed simple bread and water and not enough of either." Grace tore at her flight suit, unsealing it in a rush and tearing it open, to show her in her underwear, showing the ribs that still showed through after just under a month of actually eating constant meals, "This is me now, much healthier, not then. The beatings were worse, corporal punishment for transgressions that they didn't have anything else to take away from me." Her eyes were a constant stream of tears at this point and she finally went quiet as she hugged herself and sobbed.

Zed watched her cry, his mind rapidly attempting to determine what to say or do. He finally reached up calmly and plucked that same gold coin from the air that had gotten through to her the first time. He rested it on his thumb and with careful aim and a bright ping sound, sent it on an arc through the air. It caught the light as it went, landing on the flight suit puddled at her feet, shining up at her.

"That is real," he stated simply. "Pick it up, feel it is real. And if it is real, then I am real. And if I am real, then how much I care for you is real, and my promise to keep you safe is real. Start with those bricks of reality, and build your foundation with them." He'd taken three small steps towards her, one with each sentence, his hand still extended.

She’d bent down to pick up the coin, grasping it tightly in the palm of her hand, allowing the pain to try to bring her back to her senses so she could try to listen better. It failed. “It’s not you, Zed, it’s me.” She whispered, “It’s not about the reality of things, it’s about the reality they made it to be… The lies became my reality to the point where Ah don’t even know what to believe anymore. Who is telling the truth? How would Ah even know?” She opened her palm again to stare at the coin.

"Take my hand. I have heard every word, and I am still here, still listening. That is what is real," he said, quietly.

Grace stared at the hand that was offered, unsure of what she should do. If she took it, she was giving herself over to his control. It would rob her of her independence as sure as being shackled, but it was tempting. The freedom she’d been given on Tokyo was frightening and like a caged dog being given the wide open run of the house, everything was scary.

She took his hand. The leash of her arm for him to control was comforting in its own way.

He took the invitation and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight. "I've got you. I'm real," he said, steadily. He once again swept her off her feet and carried her to his couch, her flight suit dragging along. He put her down and with one hand kept her hand held tightly, and with the other, helped remove her boots and the rest of her flight suit. He knew it was a risk, but he didn't want the literal anchor of it dragging with her giving her a psychological breakdown. "What you have endured is unimaginable," he said, pulling her back into his arms, "but it is behind you now, and can be dealt with." He kissed the top of her head and held her tight.

Grace didn't resist this time when Zed wrapped her up in that hug, but she still shook her head to shake off the words he spoke to her, "That's not it, not all of it. Not the worst of it." She said into his shoulder, then forced herself to take his arm and lead him towards his bedroom of all places before releasing him completely. She ran her hand across the bedcovers, "This they left me, a bed with most of the normal comforts, but it wasn't for me, really. It was for them. Ah remember some of it, but Ah think they drugged my food because it's all fuzzy, the faces, the times.. You see, they sometimes wanted us to fight, but not effectively.. Sometimes, they didn't want us to even resist what they did." She shuddered, “And they always made sure that Ah was up to date on my birth control after that first time Ah had to see the doctor.”

Had his override not already kicked in, Zed was pretty sure he would have thrown up hearing that. His mind made a note of how disgusted and disturbed he was, and while he felt something in the deep, deep recesses of his consciousness shiver with....something....outwardly he didn't react. He moved around to stand between her and his bed and sat down on the edge, looking her in the eyes. Logically, this had to be reported. However, he had already run through several scenarios of what that would involve. Without direct evidence, there was little that would happen, other than their tightening their ranks. He also would not bring it up to Grace in her current state, terrified as she was of them. But in his mind, he was already planning what needed to be done.

"I am still here," he said, simply. He took her hands and held them in his own. "And you are still safe with me. You already spent a night with me in this bed, and you were safe. If you ever need to do so again, you only have to ask." He had slowly pulled her towards him, not wishing to scare her again. "They lied to you. I have not." He put his arms around her again and held her tight, kissing her cheek gently. "So, we start there."

“Almost two years…” Grace said, a part of her yearning to slide into that bed and let him do what he wanted with her, the rest of her wanting to throw up at just the thought and revulsion of that part of her. Back then, she never even slept in the bed they’d ‘given’ her, not consciously anyways. “They sent us into the worst fights, wantin’ us to die, to get more of us fresh and new. How did Ah live through it all? Ah don’t know. Erica… She just.. She couldn’t, and Daphne… Rachel, Cherise..” Her voice grew lower and lower as a litany of names fell out of her mouth, some repeating but always meaning another girl.

Zed held her tightly, holding her as she said each name. When she finally went quiet, he said, "that is why you are alive." He pulled back and looked her in the eyes, reaching down and squeezing her hand. "There are two kinds of death. One when your life stops, and one when someone stops saying your name. You are alive to remember them, so that someone knows their names. And if you ever doubt if you can go on, remember that you are still needed to keep their memory alive."

She considered him for a few seconds and there was clearly some sort of thought in her head, calculations being made and in an instant she tore her hand free from his and lunged, taking his face in her hands and kissing him as if everything in life depended on it. The results were almost immediate, even as she clearly tried to make it passionate, because as she did her best, it was clear it was out of desperation and fresh tears leaked out as she broke.

This was someone who cared for her, she could tell that, but could he love her? Could anyone? She had to know the answer to that question, but it was also patently unfair to make him want to love her. Desire would be enough, she told herself, but her hindbrain told her that she couldn’t force that even while her hands slipped from his face, her forehead falling to his own lips. “Ah’m sorry.. Ah can’t…”

"Nor were you expected to," Zed said, calmly. His hands had wound up on her hips and he was careful not to let them move from there as he held her steady. He kissed her forehead and brought his hands around, pulling her to him once again. "We do this when you are ready," he said. "When you wish to do this, not when you feel you need to."

“Ah have to know Ah wasn’t… “ She sniffed hard, “Ruined. That Ah still can be… Wanted.” She got out in fits and bursts.

Zed kept trying to take a deep breath and calm down. He wanted to go back to giving her the warm, comforting tone he'd used before, but what she'd told him upset him more than he could handle, and his override stayed put. He knew what he wanted to say, knew how he wanted to say it, but was unable to express the requisite feeling behind it. "You are in no way ruined," he said, his voice steady. "And you are very much wanted." He kissed her temple and let his hands go back to her hips. "But I want you for more than just sex, Grace, and until you wish to bring sex into the mix, we can focus our attentions elsewhere. When you are ready, I will be here to help you explore it. All right?"

“All right…” Grace said meekly, “You promise you won’t abandon me?”

In his mind, a fourteen-year-old Zed hung halfway upside down from a trapeze swing, fifty feet in the air. He looked up at the smiling girl above him, her hand outstretched, holding him from falling. Even with a safety net below, it was still terrifying, and, despite his Vulcan calm, he was just as insistent that she not let go. He snapped back to the present, feeling the warmth of Grace's skin against him, the smell of her shampoo and the frantic beating of her heart against him. "I promise," he said.

It was as if suddenly Grace became aware of her body, her skin pressed against him and she withdrew sharply, ending up a foot away from him, covering her chest with one arm holding the other, “Ah suppose Ah should get back to umm… The flight deck to check on my fighter, as you know, she umm...took a bit of damage...” She began to back out of the bedroom towards where her flight suit lay, “Ah kin umm… Come by later to see what you were able to figure out about my HUD? Tomorrow at eleven, right?”

Zed raised an eyebrow, but didn't follow her, allowing her to have some privacy in the other room. "Tomorrow at Eleven. Holodeck one," he said.

Grace didn’t rush to get dressed, making sure that the flight suit was sealed properly, constantly glancing at the door to the bedroom. Something just felt different in the last few minutes and she couldn’t place it. But she knew she was hanging on by a thread emotionally, so maybe it was just her.

He waited a few moments until he heard the door to his quarters open. He stood up and walked out of his quarters and headed back to Engineering. When he stepped back into the main bay, he saw Alexis look up in surprise from her station. "I will be in my office for the next hour if you need me," he said.

The flat tone of voice did catch Alexis by surprise and she glanced over at a PADD to her left and snagged it, tapping it against her hand as she moved away from the console and around it to follow him, “As a matter of fact, Boss, I do need to run something by you.”

He looked at her and nodded. "My office, please." He continued across to his office, letting her follow him in before letting the door shut and sitting back behind his desk.

The door slid shut behind them and she tapped the PADD against her palm in a rhythmic pattern as she watched him move around his desk to sit down, then focused on the helmet sitting on the desk, “I see that your new paramour left one of her accoutrements behind.” She made the mention offhand, “Not that you shtuping one of the pilots bothers me one bit, but the optics of you coming in here with someone, transporting out and then walking back in through the main doors?” She shrugged, “Interesting pattern to see.”

"One," he said, holding up a finger, "she is not 'my new paramour'. She is a friend who has asked me to redesign her helmet to include a personal HUD visor. Two," he held up another finger, "I am not 'shtuping' her in any way. Three," another finger up, "there was an emergency. I transported her out because she was having a personal issue, and did not want to be seen dealing with it. Out of respect for her privacy, I will not share the details, but it required swift action that overrode my concern for 'optics.'"

He took a moment and focused himself, taking a few deep breaths. He felt himself relax and his voice softened. "As it stands right now, Alexis, all the women I am sleeping with are currently in this room. He paled slightly, a thought passing through his mind and he fought to avoid slipping back into needing his override. "I'm sorry if I seem upset, I just had a very stressful encounter, and it's left me pretty shaken." He tugged his uniform smooth and pulled himself together. "Are we good?" he said, gesturing between them.

"We were never not good, Zach." Alexis gave him a smile, "My apologies for the misunderstanding. If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know." She saw the look on his face that was controlled relatively quickly, "Even if just as a friend and coworker. Part of my job is making sure you're all rikky-tik and I do take that seriously like everything else. I'm not just a pretty face, after all."

"Agreed; you are far, far more," he said, quietly, looking at her. He stood up and came back around his desk. "Thank you," he said, hugging her tightly. "I may take you up on that, but not right now." He put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a smile. "All right, back to your station, and I have a new project to sketch out."

Alexis bent the rules this time and returned his hug firmly, patting him on the back gently and smiled softly at him, "Just say the word Zach, I'll be here." She brought her hand to her chest, "Ave, Lieutenant, back to work for me."

He smiled at her and sat back down behind her desk as she left. When the doors closed, his smile dropped. "Computer," he said, "download all information on the USS Foch and it's complement to a padd."

A post by,

Zachary Addams
Chief Engineer
USS Tokyo

Grace MacKenzie
Fighter Pilot
USS Tokyo

Alexis Aenera
Engineering NCO
USS Tokyo

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