Personal Log - 13th March 2397

Posted on Thu Apr 16th, 2026 @ 7:00pm by Lieutenant JG Tuhjer Mil

551 words; about a 3 minute read

I’ve only been aboard a very short time, and yet somehow I found myself invited to a wedding for a couple I had never met, Ensign Lynette Bishop and Chief Petty Officer Yoshika Miyafuji. They seemed pleasant enough, but the whole situation felt… accidental, as though my name had been added to the guest list purely because I happened to be part of the crew. A courtesy gesture, nothing more. And while I genuinely appreciated the thought, it didn’t change the fact that I barely knew a soul there.

During the ceremony, I stayed toward the back, trying not to draw attention to myself. I exchanged a few polite nods, but conversation felt impossible. At the reception, the music and laughter provided the perfect distraction for me to slip away without being noticed. It wasn’t that I disliked being there, it was simply that I felt like an observer rather than a participant.

I could have declined the invitation, of course. But something told me that doing so might have been a mistake for someone who has only just joined the ship. Building new friendships matters, especially now. So I RSVP’d, put on a smile, and attended. The whole experience felt strangely unreal, almost like walking through a holodeck recreation of a historical event, one where you can watch everything unfold but no one interacts with you because, in truth, you weren’t part of that moment in history.

Perhaps I could have tried harder to engage, but the crowd, the noise, the sheer density of people, it all became overwhelming far too quickly. And I can’t help wondering whether the lack of proper preparation before being joined is partly responsible for how I’m handling social situations. Lieutenant Trellis gave me meditation techniques to help ground myself, and I’m hopeful they’ll make a difference with time.

Still, the day wasn’t without its bright spots. I made a friend: Ensign Syaro Kirimi. She’s warm, sharp, and remarkably talented, currently serving as Acting Chief Engineer, a position I was originally offered but declined. I asked to be posted as a standard engineer instead, another decision that feels like a casualty of my joining. I suppose I could reapply for the role, but that would require explaining why I turned it down in the first place. And if I’m honest with myself, I’m not entirely sure I understand my own reasoning.

Maybe it’s better this way. To work my way up. To earn the position rather than inherit it by assumption. Someone clearly believed I was qualified, but I doubted myself. I still do. Yet meeting Syaro reminded me that connection is possible, even when I feel adrift. Maybe that’s the first step toward finding my footing again, one friendship, one moment of clarity, one quiet breath at a time.

I have considered reaching out to any other joined Trill who, like myself, were joined without ever being an initiate with the Symbiosis Commission. Perhaps talking to others who are going through this will help, not just myself, but others and what we learn from our collaboration could be given to the Symbiosis Commission because, let's be blunt here, their current way of helping after the fact is pretty poor.

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