Between Counselor and Combatant
Posted on Wed Mar 18th, 2026 @ 3:55am by Lieutenant Ralen Trellis
1,006 words; about a 5 minute read
Mission:
Flight Of The Valkyries
Location: Holodeck 2
Counselor Ralen Trellis stood outside the holodeck doors longer than he'd intended, his hand hovering near the control panel. The irony wasn't lost on him - the ship's counselor seeking counseling. But that was precisely why he was here instead of talking to a colleague.
He'd carefully programmed the holodeck with one of Starfleet Medical's therapeutic AI constructs - an adaptive counselor program sophisticated enough to provide genuine therapeutic insight without the complications of a real person. Just a self-aware hologram designed for exactly this purpose.
"Computer, run program Trellis-Therapy-One," he said finally.
The holodeck shimmered into existence around him. Instead of a sterile office, he found himself at the base of a mountain trail - dense forest, crisp air, the sound of a nearby stream. Movement-based therapy. His own programming choice, recognizing that sometimes the hardest conversations happened easier when your body was occupied with something physical.
A figure stood waiting at the trailhead - an older Trill man with gray-streaked hair, dressed in practical hiking gear. The holographic counselor nodded in greeting.
"Ralen," he said simply. "I'm Dr. Bosin. Ready to walk?"
Ralen adjusted his own pack and nodded. They began hiking up the trail together, boots crunching on the packed earth. They walked in silence for the first few minutes, the rhythmic movement helping Ralen organize his thoughts. Dr. Bosin seemed content to wait, matching his pace easily.
"I killed people on that starbase," Ralen finally said. "Multiple targets. Clean shots." He paused at a switchback. "And part of me enjoyed it."
"That bothers you," Dr. Bosin observed.
"Of course it bothers me." Ralen pushed forward up the steeper trail. "I'm a counselor. But on that starbase, taking a life felt as natural as breathing. Jaret's training just... took over."
"Is that Jaret's influence or yours?" Dr. Bosin asked.
Ralen scrambled up a rocky section. "I don't know. That's the problem. I can't tell where Jaret ends and I begin."
They reached a clearing with a view. Both sat on a fallen log, catching their breath, or at least Dr. Bosin simulated catching his breath.
"I'm afraid I'm becoming him," Ralen admitted, standing and walking again. "Jaret became consumed by combat. Addicted to the adrenaline. And now I understand why. Nothing else felt as real."
They pushed through underbrush, emerging onto a higher ridge. "There's something else," Dr. Bosin said.
Ralen's pace quickened. "When I told the Klingons to hold the rear guard, I knew I was sending them to their deaths. And I made that decision so easily. Like moving pieces on a board."
They climbed over a rockfall, the physical exertion making the words flow easier. "That's what scares me most," Ralen continued. "I'm starting to think like him. Feel like him. Where do I stop being Ralen?"
They reached a stream. Ralen knelt, splashing his face. "So what do I do?"
Dr. Bosin crouched beside him. "You acknowledge the reality. You did enjoy parts of combat. You did make cold tactical decisions. But you're here, questioning it. Jaret never did."
"The fact that you're terrified of becoming him is proof you're not him," Dr. Bosin said. "But you need to accept that part of you - inherited or innate - is capable of violence. Of enjoying it."
Ralen stopped at a waterfall. "How do I live with that?" he said as he crouched down and caught his breathe and enjoyed the cool sensation of the water.
Dr. Bosin crouched beside him. "You don't get an answer to that question. Not today. Maybe not ever."
Ralen looked up sharply. "What?"
"You want me to tell you which feelings are yours and which are Jaret's. To give you a clean line between the counselor and the combat veteran. To promise that if you follow certain steps, you won't become him." Dr. Bosin stood and looked directly at the younger Counselor. "I can't do that. The symbiont doesn't work that way. You don't work that way."
They walked along the stream bank in silence.
"What I can tell you," Dr. Bosin continued, "is how to process what you're feeling without letting it consume you. When you feel that rush of combat enjoyment, acknowledge it. Don't push it down. Say to yourself: 'I felt alive in that moment. That's a real feeling I had.' Don't judge it. Just name it."
Ralen stopped at a waterfall, the mist settling on his face. "And then what?"
"Then ask yourself: 'Do I want to seek out that feeling again?' That's where the choice lives. Not in whether you felt it, but in what you do with it." Dr. Bosin paused. "Jaret couldn't distinguish between experiencing combat adrenaline and needing it. You can learn that distinction."
"Self-awareness is the tool here. Jaret didn't have it. You do. Use it." Dr. Bosin continued.
They walked in silence for several minutes, just the sound of boots on trail and breathing.
"The tension you're feeling - between who you were and who you're becoming - that's not going away," Dr. Bosin said as they neared the trailhead. "You're not going to resolve it. You're going to carry it. The work is learning to carry it without letting it break you."
Ralen stopped at the trailhead, looking back up the mountain they'd descended. He didn't feel relieved, but he did feel the heavy burden lifting off of his shoulders and not weighing him down.
"That's it?" he asked, unable to keep the mild frustration from his voice. "Just... acknowledge the feelings and watch for patterns?"
"That's the work," Dr. Bosin said simply. "There's no dramatic breakthrough. No moment where it all makes sense. Just daily practice of examining yourself honestly and making conscious choices about who you want to be."
"Computer, save program and end session," he said.
The forest dissolved. He stood alone in the empty holodeck, nothing resolved, no answers given. Just tools. Just process. Just the long, grinding work of staying himself while carrying someone else's darkness.
Lieutenant Ralen Trellis
Assistant Counselor
USS Tokyo
RSS Feed